More controversy surrounds the Baltimore Ravens management, who announced today that they will be firing the 2012 Super Bowl MVP quarterback Joe Flacco. In a decisive measure Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti told our reporters that the team has decided to adopt the motto “if you can’t beat them join them.”
“For a long time now we have tried to curb the off the field shenanigans and antics of our players, but it really doesn’t seem to be working. So in an effort to solidify the atmosphere in the locker room, we have decided to eliminate any player that might project even the slightest hint of a wholesome attitude,” said Bisciotti. “Joe has never been arrested for weapons charges, or pulled over for driving under the influence of a controlled substance and there is no known instance of him even raising his voice to his wife or girlfriend in public. He’s a player that seems void of controversy and it is creating an feeling of distrust among his fellow Baltimore Ravens. I think the players fear that Joe Flacco may crack under questioning and would be the most likely to snitch or flip if pressed to do so.”
“Although encouraging a criminal element may seem counterproductive, it didn’t seem to hurt us in the past. With Flacco out of the picture, his former teammates can continue their heinous activities more flagrantly than in previous seasons and won’t have to worry about Joe dropping a dime on them,” said head coach John Harbaugh.
When Harbaugh’s own God fearing clean image was called into question, owner Steve Bisciotti responded by saying, ” we feel that John is a douche bag with a keen competitive edge and can easily put aside his beliefs in order to facilitate a winning team attitude.”