With the United States out of the race for the World Cup many referees have breathed a sigh of relief.
“The typical American fan just doesn’t understand soccer and can make the life of a seasoned World Cup official a living hell. Americans like action and high scores and do not understand the finesse and athleticism that goes into a typical soccer match,” said Ingnacio Hernandez of the FIFA officiating board. “We are very happy to welcome the players into the match every four years, but it is the soccer supporters that make it most difficult. They don’t understand stoppage time and have issues with teams playing to a draw and are frustrated by low scoring games.”
Hernandez stated that he would prefer to focus on officiating the matches of the day but most often American fans would pepper him with basic questions like, “If the goalie is the only player that can hold the ball with his hands, what’s to stop him from running down the opposite end of the field and throwing it into the opposing goal?” or “Does a striker that favors his right foot have and advantage over a goalie that is left-handed? You know? Like in baseball? You guys understand baseball right?” and “Does the goalie get to choose the different color of the shirt he wears, or does the team do that for him?”
In an effort to decrease Lebron James chances of a possible run at another world championship, former Boston Celtics teammates Larry Bird and Danny Ainge, (current presidents of basketball operations for the Indiana Pacers and the Boston Celtics respectively) have pooled their resources together and are planning to make a sizable offer to Lebron James if he will opt not to sign with any NBA teams and remain in free agency for the next 2-3 basketball seasons.
“We are prepared to double or even triple any offers that any other team is preparing to offer James, ” said Ainge in a press conference earlier today. “As long as he is willing to sit out the next two seasons with an option for three. He can continue with all of his endorsements, commercials and so on, but if he signs this contract, we do not want to see him anywhere near a basketball court in the eastern United States or Canada until at least the 2018 season.”
Alex Rodriguez comes clean about steroid use and playing baseball.
Alex Rodriguez, controversial New York Yankees slugger released this statement to Realistic Industries late last night.
“I’ve loved baseball ever since I played my first little league game, I never meant for my actions to stain or slander the good nature of America’s pastime. I just wanted to be a power hitter and get a lot of home runs, but those pitchers throw the ball so fast and the parks are so big. Hitting a ball that far is really, really hard.”