Southern town’s race tensions magically disappear upon removal of Confederate Flag

Confederate FlagMerideth Junction, Alabama-

In an effort to avoid racial tension escalating into riots last week, town officials in Merideth Junction; a small town south of Montgomery, Alabama, removed the Confederate Flag from the town meeting hall. Initially, the removal was protested against by mostly white residents of the town citing that the flag was not representative of slavery but was a symbol of a nation divided to the point of civil war due to differing financial and philosophical ideologies. However, once the flag was removed racial tensions in the town affectionately ┬áreferred to as the “riverbed of racism” have begun to dry up. Charters of the Ku Klux Klan and neo-Nazi have disbanded or have opened their doors to include Blacks, Hispanics, Asians and other ethnic groups.

Jebediah Burnson Turner, former Grand Wizard of the Merideth Junction KKK, had this to say, “it has recently occurred to me that taking pride in the white race at the behest of the other races is morally reprehensible and I can no longer support any organization that bolsters those views. I will be hosting a cross burning on my own front lawn this weekend and I invite any and all of the poor black families that we have terrorized over the years to attend.”

Police commissioner Jefferson Davis Turner announced that racial profiling would be frowned upon and that black men driving around with white women would no longer be targeted for “random” searches and arrests. “Ha ha random, we used to use that word a lot, but there was nothing random about those traffic stops. Everybody knew there was nothing random about pulling over a black man that just happened to be driving with a white woman, but we used that excuse none the less.” Turner went on to say, “now that that flag is no longer hanging in town hall, I no longer feel it necessary to try to prevent interracial dating and as a matter of fact, I have two daughters in their late teens who are currently unattached.”Gen Lee

Another notable anomaly was the decline in viewership of the Dukes of Hazard television program in syndication on the local cable access channel. Experts questioned noted that the lack of an audience was not as much a result of the car roof baring the stars and bars but rather a growing opposition to the show’s glorifying of redneck on redneck violence.