Not that I’d ever have to resort to dating online to meet someone, I mean come on now, but if I did, I would imagine these would be some of the women you might encounter.
At first glance of her profile, it’s easy to see that this girl is the outdoorsy type, her interests include biking, hiking, jogging and rock climbing. Most of her pictures show her riding her mountain bike and wearing some kind of paper race number on her shirt, near the top of rock wall at the rock climbing gym she attends, a group shot of her and several other women covered head to toe in mud after the obstacle course they all ran to raise money for their pet charity and of course there’s one picture of her wearing a dress to show you just how “well she cleans up.” In her profile she will tell you that she runs 5K’s at the drop of a hat and has completed several different marathons, Boston, Chicago, and New York and is currently training night and day for a triathlon.
To date this girl you have got to be able to keep up with her, she’ll wonder what you are doing up so late if you send her a message after 10pm on a weeknight and if you do rise up to the challenge of getting this girl to meet you for a date it will have to be at a restaurant serves only organically raised, locally grown, uncooked vegetables to meet her dietary standards.
Group Shot Gina
This girl is very sociable and cannot live a day without her friends, they are her support system and she will tell you in her profile that you will have to impress them to get to her, because she has no intentions of giving them up for some guy she met online. All of this girl’s profile pictures will leave you puzzled to determine her identity, because every one of her pictures is a group shot of her and 3-6 other girls. Every picture is usually dated and has some kind of caption or title like, “New Year’s 2013 with my girls” or “Summer time 2011 at a party with friends” and there’s usually one photo featuring her with one other girl that usually entitled “Night out with my bestie Tracy, sorry fellas, she’s taken.”
To date this girl you’ve got to sift through all of her pictures and by the process of elimination determine which girl is her because she should be the one constant that appears in all of the pictures, that way it will be easier to recognize her when it comes time to meet.
Hopefully, it will be the one girl out of the other dozen that attracted you to reading her profile in the first place, take those odds to your local bookie and he would laugh his ass off.
Penny is probably Instagram famous, because she has mastered the art of photography filters. Either that or she has way too much phosphorous in her diet or lives dangerously close to a power plant that is leaking a dangerous amount of radiation. Basically, in all of her photos this girl has an unnatural glow about her, similar to the filters they would use on aging Hollywood actresses back in the day. The only problem is this isn’t back in the day and this girl certainly ain’t no Ava Gardner. This girl has never even come close to knocking boots with Sinatra’s gardener let alone Old Blue Eyes himself.
But I digress, to date this girl, it’s helpful to have a vivid imagination, because in person she probably looks nothing like the hot Anime warrior princess she looks like in her profile.
Expect to see a lot of silicon, botox and kabuki makeup.
A former aspiring actress or possibly a model, all of this girl’s photos look very posed and were taken by a professional. Perhaps she took them solely for this dating profile. Every picture of this woman looks like it came out of her portfolio, there’s a head shot, an evening wear shot, a sporty shot and so on. Seeing this woman’s profile reminds me of the ladies section of the old Sear’s catalog or the department store inserts that come with the Sunday newspaper sectionals.
To date this girl, you have to first get past her gatekeeper, meaning that when you send her a message her response usually reads back like an automated rejection: “I’m happy that my profile appealed to you, but I don’t think that we are right for one another. Good luck in your search!”
I feel like I was just turned down by the college of my choice.
World Traveler Wendy
Checking out this woman’s profile is a lot like reading her travel blog, which she will most likely have a link to somewhere in her self summary. This girl loves to travel and it shows, all of her pictures are from her expeditions, she has a picture in front of the Taj Mahal, the Eiffel Tower, the Great Pyramids of Giza and a selfie of her wearing a helmet from when she and her close friend Hannah (see above) conquered the Andes. The things on her “can’t do without list” are her passport, a GPS, luggage, her flyer miles credit card and her travel pillow.
To date this girl, you’ll have to have patience, because she won’t respond back to your message right away because she was backpacking for two months across Europe and if you intend to meet her for a face to face she will most likely expect you to take a plane or a train to meet at her next destination of choice.
Amy the Animal Lover
This girl is never alone in her pictures, most of them are taken of her and her pets, but much like her friend Wendy, she’s got a bit of the travel bug too. However, her excursions have a different motive, you will see her hugging a dolphin in one picture, riding an elephant in another and petting a stingray in another. The one picture she will post of her with another person, is usually of her with an infant or toddler and will usually have the caption “Cute kid, not mine!”
To date this girl, you will have to pass a test with one or more of her animals, because her dog(s) or cat has not liked any of her failed relationships from her past right from the start.
Just to be on the safe side, bring some jerky and a laser pointer along with condoms the first time that she invites you over.
This woman’s face does not appear in any of her profile pictures, but she will gladly text you one if you request it and if she likes you. All of her photos are merely body shots from the neck down to maintain her anonymity. She is either not looking for a relationship outside of a purely sexual one, or is in an open relationship with her significant other who “also has a profile on this site.”
To date this woman, you’ve just got to show up at the swingers party and enjoy the orgy.